Maybe i should go to church more so i can meet girls like in that song, you know, the ones that act slutty on every day but sunday...
ah, so the catholic church. i gotcha
dude I just realized something - girls return my clothes washed so in thought bringing girls home is like avoiding going to the laundramat
then the nurse gave me a bag with my personal belongings: phone, wallet. jacket, keys and a BTB burrito
Those motion detector trash cans don't work fast enough to catch puke.
ill do whatever it takes for me to get more high and eat pie
Um. That's my cat Laura. You put my cat in your mouth, and then you put my cat in your purse.
So. She dumped me today.
Well, maybe you shouldn't have referred to going down on her as "Dumpster-Diving".
you called me at 4 in the morning and invited me over for pasta and a late night viewing of titanic.
It was so weird. She left to go to the bathroom and her older sister leaned towards me with a creepy smile and said, "You don't deserve her" and then continued to stare at me with a crazy expression for the rest of the evening.
That's kinky shit dude.
...I'm not a booty call or a pizza...you can't just call/text and expect to be eating me in an hour..
I'm watching Russian dudes pole-dance. For research.
The man was doing everything in his power to get away from his wife, including go into the gay club.
This is why you are going on a date. To see if he is fun or if we need to shank him in the parking lot.
You know what sucks about being drunk at 4 pm? Not a god damn thing.
The weirdest part of it all was wondering if I was going to take off his fanny pack or he was before we fucked
Randomize
