I am good. I dancing. Drinking but dancing fine.
I'm so hungover, I actually considered rolling down the stairs to avoid walking.
I just wanted to say sorry for trying to jack off your dog last night.
I remember coming home with a cat... I havent seen it all day. Shit.
Ladystoner tip: if eyes are bloodshot, lime green eyeliner makes them appear less red. its basic artt.
You text him a porn site address and said GOODBYE ... I think he got the hint
I woke up smelling like chlorine with a broke toe. They know how to fucking party on lake lanier.
I feel like I got ass raped in the brain.
My bathing suit kept falling whenever I went under a wave and this kid caught on and kept checking them out so I told him nothing comes free $5 a boob
I also woke up on my floor. Naked. On a pile of clothes. With my head in the trash can. And a sheet over me.
I'm not gonna lie, my internet creeping skills scare me. I'm like Liam Neeson in Taken
i sent him a nude and he responded 6 hours later
what did he say?
"oh m god,,, whow '!!!!nm"
I just bought condoms and a potted plant, making for a top ten super weird and awkward purchase.
I felt like a slutty ass cruella devil driving your old car, And I got in a fight with your wipers
My parents are coming to visit the 28th. How bad is it that I put a reminder in my phone to "hide sex toys"?
Xanax, wine, and giving the neighbor blue balls. How about you?
Jesus, it’s Tuesday morning! Not back stage with Motley Crew
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