Good face, no body. And apparently her vagina is related to chewbaca.
Can I use you as a job reference? Don't tell them i got you fired cause I banged you tho
then you gave the doctors and nurses bloody high fives
a girl just walked by me crying on the phone saying, "all I ever do is menstruate"
I wish I could go about my daily activities with his dick inside me
he told me not to treat him like a child and then started peeing off the trampoline
Remember when we made you finish your beer after you puked into your glass?
i hate being the asshole.
So was it you or me who decided it was a good idea to inscribe fuck you on the counter?
That was me. Just a 'welcome to our home' kinda thing.
we have to top last new years. except im not ready for jail. that can wait a couple years
just woke up under a car ? That's odd
Holy fucking shit
WAIT BUT IM WEARING A BACKPACK THAT MAGICALLY HAS 30 BEERS IN IT
were facing impending death from north korea and were sitting here snorting tylenol to get high.....where did our lives go wrong?
What is your life?
A tangled mess of finals and bad decisions.
You what they say. One dick in the hand is better than two in the bush
Apparently when the cops arrived I was standing over him in the bathroom yelling, get the fuck up you piece of shit. Beer still in hand.
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST.
Randomize
