i just met rob pattinson in italy. he's so stupid, i feel like i would have to say "your penis goes here!"
I hate cats. They're so curious, it's not their damn business.
There are empty beer cans all over and the go-kart is missing. I need it for my halloween costume.
But today feels so special with katie getting herpes and me cleaning my room. Good things are happening.
Who is Katie and why do we have her birthday cake?
him being a republican bothers me way more than his coke problem.
Well my dad thinks I wake up at 3 or 4 am every day. Really it is just all the booty calls, but I'm glad he thinks I am so motivated
I mean technically the bite was both in my nose and on the outside of it. I thought I was going to need stitches or something.
Why was his mouth around your nose anyways?
It was just one of those nights, man.
Wife and kids came home early...naked passed out covered in chili cheese Fritos dad will haunt them forever.
Every time I'm hungover I just want to watch Harry Potter and cry.
I'm trying to behave my vagina this week so I can at least pretend I'm honoring the sanctity of marriage
So chicken strips and confidence do not you make you sober.
I mean, he’s listed as “Andrew DC Threesome” in my phone. THATS HOW I REMEMBER HIM! How is that not the start of a fairytale?
I don’t understand his energy
What? Nice? Lmao
Just found out a shooting happened in our parking lot while it was closed this morning. So thaaaaaaaaats fun.
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