i hope your v-card owns a pair of floaties
I wanna get "leaving my dick in charge" drunk.
I probably looked like a mental patient. I had my IV in one hand and cup of pee in the other, swaying around with a dazed grin on my face. I love vicodin.
I've hit an all time low of asking baristas what would go good with marshmallow vodka. I think I might hire one to party with all of us. To make hangover drinks
Also I'm sitting home alone with a big ass bowl of marshmallows right now just eating. It's so sad.
You're the only person I know who would be upset about making out with a girl you like. You're like a drunken Charlie Brown.
I CAN ONLY BE THE BIRDIE ON YOUR SHOULDER WHO LEADS YOU INTO BAD DESCISIONS
75% of my food budget goes to wine, the rest to chips and salsa.
just because you have a nice tits it doesn't make you a magic little snowflake.
So I'm just casually at the grocery store when I remember that there's still a clove of garlic in my vagina
If he doesn't get here soon I'm taking off my thong and eating his dinner.
Who's the naked guy asleep in your car?
I would literally only have sex with a dinosaur right now.
Maybe life is about finding the person you DO want to cuddle with after they rail you like a porn star
Hey long story short Grandma needs bail money.
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