3.50 mugs at the bar.
Nah man, im with an ugly chick. Im waiting til everyone's drunk enough tonight, they don't notice.
How ugly, and does she have friends?
I had to puke in a pizza box on the drive home. People saw.
Great I'll forever be branded as gym slut at the new gym.
BTW, it's bullshit to say that not doing a shot is unpatriotic. You know how I fall for that.
Well, I plan on starting the night dressed as little red riding hood. Then I plan on finishing the night dressed as a shit show in a red cape.
The amount I want to die right now is not proportionate to the level of fun I had last night. Not fair.
just had sex on top of a camper looking at the stars, BEAT THAT.
It's not that I'm in love with her, so much as I would love to be her lesbian experience.
I was worried he'd break you after the hiatus your lady parts had to take from social interaction.
I think you're my mermaid sister. Separated at birth, by sea.
Things you do not want to hear after sex: I almost lost my gum in your pussy. Really dude, don't share that with me!
I just put on my phone calendar to remind me of my final child support payment in 2029
THE FASTEST WAY TO MY HEART IS THROUGH FAMILY SIZED BAGS OF GENERIC BRAND CHEESE BALLS
You'd be proud. Took my birth control today at 12:30 with a Budweiser. Guy across the bar saw and held his bottle up to salute me 😂
I woke up at 2 AM to find them in my living room with a radio flyer wagon full of milk glass plates and a Holstein cow. How am I going to explain this to my landlord!?!
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