So you're telling me it's impossible to have a "slight case" of chlamydia?
I saw his package. It spoke to me.
this homeless guy just told me to make a wish on his magic plastic spoon but said to be careful what i wish for...
That's because you're a slut. A slut fucking a fence.
Well, I didn't bring a notebook or any paper to class. Should I take notes on the sugar packet, lace thong, or condom wrapper that instead are in my school bag?
Hey, can you come over and kill me real quick
I JUST MACED MY OWN FACE
This is by far the best text I have ever woken up to.
you were passed out so I asked you what my name was and you opened your eyes and yelled "ricotta cheese"
no way
that's when i decided you were gonna be okay
I made him an O's fan. One pic of my tits coming out of a Baltimore shirt and it was done.
Date idea: we should go to the store and buy all the different kinds of Lay's and eat them all
I've started day drinking because fuck everyone else
I spent the morning naked in her roommates closet because her parents decided to come over after church..
This whole Rob and Chyna drama is giving me trust issues. I'm about to text my ex and be like if you haven't already deleted my nudes, can you?
What time is our conjugal visit?
Umm...who is this?
Dude, I'm pretty sure I just drank iced tea last night and yet I'm still hungover. What the fuck is my body anymore ?
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