ps i may or may not be wearing a sequined bra
Tonight i am praying for god to turn my pussy into apple pie because i cant count the number of times bruce chooses food over sex.
im naked on webcam to her boyfriend, but im playing neopets at the same time, so its all evened out
So I went outside my house this morning and basically my entire front lawn is covered in gummi bears... I think that involves you guys.
Hes warming up week old McDonalds french fries, putting hot sauce on them, and counting them with his shirt off.
The cardboard box in my backseat wasn't strong enough to keep your pee contained. Come clean my car.
did i get hit in the head with a hammer? someone just asked me...
I started drinking at around 8.. Started heavily drinking around 815.
Using the salt from a pretzel bag for tequila shots. Come over.
Please say a prayer for the elevator people at work today. My farts are significantly more potent the day after hitting that korean place for lunch...
I don't understand why your family and sex lives should EVER overlap.
i think the sex is so good because i get a contact high just from fucking him
Flacco has been sacked like 7 times. His name also auto corrects to Flaccid. That's so sad
The first thing I did when I got to the apartment was masturbate on the couch
Amazon is not showing any promising results for penis tree toppers and I am genuinely surprised. Clearly this is a market that needs to be addressed.
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