please tell me if i'm home and in my bed
negative
come find me please
There comes a time in every man's life where he has to shit in a catbox to prove a point.
we were so high we made up an elaborate backstory because we were paranoid about going into the wig shop w/o being serious wig shoppers
We're friends. And when I drunkenly send u a pic of my left testicle i would appreciate a response.
he walked out as i was licking snow off of his car...
STOP SETTING ME UP WITH GUYS YOU MEET ON CRAIGSLIST
I'm chatting on my fake OkCupid account and watching Lion Witch & Wardrobe on my second screen. Hail me, King of the Creepers
So he drunk messaged me last night telling me he wants a baby. Think I should call his bluff?
Did she owns a vibrator that will set off seismic activity.
holy shit I just remembered that story I told about Tom hanks going bowling while high.
I totally have a huge crush on him though which is fucking up my "classy she-demon with limited feelings" vibe
Why is there a whip in the kitchen?
Is it weird to invite your FWB to thanksgiving dinner??
When he said he lived in a closet I thought he meant his room was really small or something... But he actually has a queen size mattress on the floor of his roomates walk-in closet.
So my furniture is upside-down, two lamps are glued to the ceiling, and there is a kitten sleeping on Kyle's face. Please tell me what happened last night....
Randomize
