I wish Pampers made couches for people like us.
Sometimes when i'm at a cross roads in life, i think about what i would want my lifetime movie to show what i did
I think I just made patron unclassy I bought limes at a gas station and for salt we are using gas station packets of salt
Either seal the deal or get out of the room, I don't want to hide in this closet anymore
Turned out not to be so bad. He had a big dick and i owed him for all the free beer over the year.
Oh my god. You have got to get off that breast feeding support group. They're on to you, dude.
Wrestling for my wallet turned into us almost having sex in the middle of the hallway
COME HERE WE MELTED A CORONA BOTTLE WITH FIREWORKS
IF I CANT STRIP TO SANTA BABY THEN WHY EVEN HAVE CHRISTMAS.
It was great. He never spoke.
That's not why it was great, just that's all I remember.
Was it your intent last night to burn the house down? With a waffle..
Guy running next to me at the gym is judging me. I think he can smell the whiskey leaking out of my pores.
Validation I posted a good pic? The lonely fuckboys send out the booty call signal. Of course I answered the call; Gotham needs its hero.
You were cussing me out in sign language, and slurring your signs.
That's some kind of record drunk there...
I woke up, topless, my car was parked funny so I threw on my hoodieto go fix it and found a jello shot in my pocket. where did I go last night?!
Randomize
