I just sold weed to a guy holding a baby...does this make me a bad person?
why do all the strippers look like they came from fraggle rock
So my professor just changed my Final to 7:45am on May 6th. Shouldn't a Spanish professor understand the implications of Cinco de Mayo???
Well, I can't relate. I have no idea what it feels like to withhold sex. Or have self-control in general.
he just texted me saying he needs a place to stay for the night. pretty sure i just got booty called to my own house...
He was puking up tons. He aimed his face inside his coat. Not a drop in my car. Then he thanked me for the ride.
pooping with feet up on an ottoman about level with the toilet is nice
I legitimately had a champagne shower last night at a rave. I was also carrying around two bananas in my pockets like guns. Drunk doesn't even. Begin to explain My night.
I'm beginning to think that women just have dogs at home as an excuse to leave ASAP after hooking up, without sounding like a typical guy.
That moment when your mom is so drunk she makes you get out of bed to lay in her bed because she thinks it feels like sleeping on a marshmallow peep....
Thank you for listening to my rant about tacos.
There I was, puking into the toilet, and he was rubbing my feet, buck naked. I feel like a drunk Disney princess.
Oh well, he'll live. He has a hand and a penis.
Turns out I made out with a woman dressed as a unicorn here 10 years ago
Nothing kills the mood like opening another guy’s dick pic in bed
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