I just hope my dad was drunk enough to not remember the whole convo we had about anal.
What started out as a threesome has become me sitting here watching them have sex... Can I get a ride home?
I'm seriously so bored I'm seeing how many rooms I can masturbate in before I get caught.
Four. Poor grandma...
Mission leave-the-puke-on-the-floor-til-the-dog-eats-it completed. I work smarter not harder
at the bar. watching boys pee in urinals. when they come out we give them a thumbs up or a thumbs down. probbb shouldn't prop the bathroom door open with a bar stool....
woke up with withdrawal cold sweats this morning. spring break must really be over.
So I wake up this morning with a bottle of dish detergent and a dildo. Good call on bringing those girls from community college.
My Valentine's Day plans just drastically changed... My F buddy just ran into my gf...in my driveway.
You may now shotgun with the bride
I almost died in that meeting. Nearly dried up and blew away in the pure powder form of boredom
I know that feel bro
You know you're doing college wrong when you have to bail your RA out of jail
He compared my ass to "a 13 year old track star's ass." Umm WTF? Is that supposed to be a compliment? And when I questioned boy or girl he said "either."
All I wanted was a good weekend full of booze, laughs, and maybe some penis. Instead, someone is in the hospital, I didn't sleep at all last night. And not because I got laid.
Yeah, let's go with that. Fuck that weak moment of complete honesty I just had.
He expects a blow job at the movies but won’t pay for popcorn? Does he know it’s not 2017 anymore
Randomize
