On valentines day I took a girl on a date that I suspect was homeless
i just went dwnstairs and there are 5 guys without their shirts on hugging each other. i think i should leave now
I'm about to cry with happyness at the beer that will be consumed
It doesn't matter if I tell the story beginning to end or end to beginning, the story still starts with a random girl blowing me in the bathroom.
Don't let the fact that shes seen my penis discourage you
It's like he's trying to get head in every car except his.
got blackout drunk at the conference and wandered around Minneapolis with a homeless person until one of the other interns found me...I think I'm ready for adulthood.
Bailing my boss from jail at five in the morning.. If thats not a promotion I don't what is.
Pretty sure I humiliated the fuck out of myself last night after I was dared to attempt to give myself head. I hate vodka
Apparently I'm the last girl he had sex with. That was over a month ago. If he can go that long without sex then he's clearly not the guy for me
she gave me her number and i just said "no. cant."
Ever since I got to LA my dream self has been having sex with way too many rabbi's.
Also, let me tell you how embarrassing it is to match with someone who seemingly has their shit together at 4:45AM on a Thursday.
OMFG I JUST SEARCHED DILDO ON THE WORK SHARED AMAZON ACCOUNT!!!!!
i need something from you. video yourself doing naked jumping jacks and send it to me. it will make me smile
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