I woke up on the steps beside a plate of spaghetti and a toilet paper roll ripped in half. And i actually think this day is gonna get better.
Shit sorry. Maybe I wont give you this sweet ass fanny pack I found in my parents attic
It was her first time with a girl so I put on my tegan and Sara playlist to really get the full experience.
You just kept saying "they don't make cigarettes for squirrels. Yet."
I performed "get broken glass out of my shoulder" surgery last night... Drunk, with a what-a-burger straw.
After she cried and passed out at four in the morning, I had a very lovely, very drunken conversation with her mother while decorating a cake into the shape of a penis.
This baby is an asshole
It's the building I live in, they were lucky I was wearing clothes at all
Now I can't unsee my hot boss's under-boobs. Monday will be awkward.
Pics or STFU
So they found him after the wedding still dressed up in his feather boa and top hat passed out in a bush...
I am on my usual post-jerkoff high of eternal happiness. Like I could punch a fucking tiger.
I had a dream he was standing in front of me naked and flexing while yelling VICTORY and gizzing all over the floor.
Interesting. All i can really say is humanoid shaped doritos bags melting very slowly
Egg rolls and cum. Not my worst snack.
Getting a UTI was SO NOT on my wishlist for the holidays
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