I'll have you know...trying to masturbate while a song about jesus is stuck in your head is next to impossible
if i found out she had a dick after i got head, does that still make me gay?
God you people are gross. Come collect your unconscious friend.
Where was your thought process?
Drowning in my hangover.
Also, I found out tonight a major plus for being female is you can accidentally call the hot bartender sweet tits and she won't get mad.
We all just did coke and we're coloring so if you're sober its pointless for you to come over here
Dude. When are you coming home? I'm laying in bed watching the Grinch and trying to pet a cat that I'm not even sure exists.
You are going to come home to a suitcase in the fridge. Just go with it.
This guy is trying to get me to do some acrobatic gymnast shit just so he can see "my tight hole." I'm too big to be sweating in my own damn bed. Shittttt.
Trying to do the walk of shame over here WHY are there a hundred ppl on the el?! Thank god I pulled a summit and wore casual clothes I even stopped by the farmers market and bought some squash
Is 1:30 too early for the bar?
Do you want my opinion or society's?
I want your company
he'll always be the guy that i fucked on the bathroom floor
I'm watching the World Cup in bed naked with john and our USA flag aviator glasses. Can you say America?
We are balling out on levels, I think mikes about to go to jail. something to do with a unicorn and rainbows, the cops are not being reasonable.
Any who, I expect to be showered with roses apon my arrival
How about beer and nachos?
A fine substitute!
Randomize
