she was so hammered she started drinking dishwasher detergent
I dont know whats funnier - that, or that we learned that poison control is closed at 2 AM
If i could bang her from 80ft away, I would
When i walked in, you were in bed with a hot chick rolled up in a green blanket and said you were acting like a caterpillar..
just to let you know coffee and vodka was a bad way to start the day
You nicknamed her "lazy eye" and were screaming across the bar at her to buy you a drink...
the pub in dfw airport has a countdown timer to st. pattys day, to the second, i like texas
I'm getting very mixed reviews. One friend told me to stop drinking bc the last 3 times he's heard from me I've either peed my pants, been throwing up, or people have been having sex beside me.
Strangely enough I'm encouraging you to keep drinking for all the same reasons.
Just woke up to my stoned boyfriend building a shrine around my bare ass. He'll never leave me.
Update: I just puked into a sock. It was the only thing available at the time. Why I happened to be holding a sock, we may never know.
You don't understand. He was so ginger that he could make red hair a dominant gene. And I refuse to torture my future spawn like that.
Yea... you were given too many get out of jail free cards. God just gave up on you having a healthy and happy vagina.
Can we just talk about the fact that the last time I got laid I was wearing a Jurassic Park tshirt?
I mean, what's the polite way to say, "sorry but I can't date you cuz I'm sleeping with your boss" ??
She grabbed the other one and started playing tug-o-war against the blonde chick. I told you getting my nipples pierced was a good idea
tell me about the eggs
Randomize
