i know ur right I'm sorry I'm stupid and incompitent look I can't even spell incompetent right! Fuck!
I was so drunk last night i ate cereal with a fork.
So I just found out that my mom and dad arent married
What? They have three kids?
Yep. And apparently I have a half brother. Happy Birthday to me
We tried having a conversation with our noses.
Knitting and drinking wine. Forget my 21st birthday, might as well just skip to my 60th
I DON'T CARE WHAT THE CIRCUMSTANCES ARE NEVER VOMIT IN MY PURSE AGAIN.
I knew the night had taken a turn when we showed up and our flabongo was being chilled in the freezer.
"Shots" of grape juice. I fucking hate Utah soooo fucking much.
He called me at 4am to ask me to marry him, then threw up into the phone for 10 minutes.
You know your life has gone downhill when someone has to preface your night with "don't get locked in a porta potty"
I think I may have fully transcended this spectrum of life. I can see beams of light man. Down to the photons
What
The only downside is I can't stop skipping
This is why I can't take dates to shows... I've literally made out with everyone in this band. And two of the guys in the crowd. And the bartender.
Sunburned by dick at the nude beach. Bad. She tried to blow me. But. I. Just. Can't. Saddest day of my life.
screwing the intern at work sucks when u find out the boss is too. She is a smoking hot though
I woke up naked in a tent. I was more upset that the air mattress had deflated.
Randomize
