so Mike and I made a deal. we'd do anal if he would help me pick out carpet tomorrow.
What...you let him do that?
It wasnt that bad. the two minutes it took is nothing compared to the 10 hr day I have planned for him tomorrow
WE WERE REALLY IN A PORNO LAST NIGHT
A squiggle pen was my first vibrator back when I was young. I would lock myself in my bedroom with that thing. Oh to be 8 again.
I just had a dream where Bob Saget recognized me from when I hung out with him in a dream I had months ago.
She makes me want to have breakfast margaritas every day
But I always wanted my obit to read "Died violently in casino orgy," not "Never woke up from rectal surgery."
oh my god i'm in a crawl space
She bellyflopped onto the poolside bar, broke one wine bottle, and stole another...the resort staff just frowned and cleaned up her mess.
Just shook hands with the bud light truck driver, thanked him for his service to our country
Road trip to buy me a baby zebra..are you in or are you in?
The neighbor just yelled bring me back that big red alien penis.
The girl neighbor.
I just did a walk of shame on my own block. one of the old neighbors saw and greeted me "good morning, girl next door"
Tell him to put up or shut up. Can't be dangling dick in front of ho's without delivering.
It's just disrespectful
saw a family tailgating a graduation with hard liquor... i'm assuming yours?
are you shitting me? they told me they'd at least wait until 10am
I think I just got booty called by someone I've never slept with or even really had a conversation with before.
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