My professor really needs to stop abbreviating. I'll never remember what "Fun. Anal. Trade-offs?" means when i study.
I gave my ex the dutch oven last night. How was your night?
there should be a relationship option on facebook "stillllll in a relationship"
You were mounting an escalator last night, shouting "I have no health insurance" at people
True. I'd rather snort cocaine off a homeless guy then work on the weekend...Actually that may not be that bad.
Lead with your genitals is the best advice I can give you.
Did you drink ALL that 151??
No. We drank all the jaeger... Then used the 151 to start the fire. We're also out of paper towels... And your hairspray is flammable.
You were drinking whiskey from a beer bottle i dont know what you really expected...
Note to self: don't try to shave your legs when sex-sore. You CANT reach, stop trying.
I just woke up on my neighbors floor with my boots on, but no pants. I have 3 separate taco bell receipts in my pocket.
I can't. I mean he's hot, but there's really nothing else there
You just said he's hot
NO YOU DON'T UNDERSTAND
I’m on my third beer doing poppers in the shower to no doubt
Let’s be real here. NOTHING says Real Adulting like rolling a J on your line of credit paperwork.
just because he was passed out beside the toilet, didn't give you tge right to pee on him
my aim is off when im drunk
I'm going to get him a gold star sticker and put it on his dick
Randomize
