They have glow in the dark condoms. That's so scary.
Something like a penis light saber.
What are we going to do tonight?
What we try to do every night. Take over the world
I just got a bj @ my old preschool...my childhood memories r all ruined
I really thought you were going to tell me you were pregnant on facebook chat. FACEBOOK CHAT. I almost cried.
Yeah, I wouldn't mind getting fingered in the corner of a dive bar again.
When I come over I'm bringing "Socky" the Alcoholism Prevention puppet, today he is going to tell you boys about his FAVORITE word---its called "moderation"
Why is there bacon braided in my hair
The other. Cat spoke to me and left. This shit is laced
The first cat might save me but they are taking out masks
You called me 32 times last night just to tell me you felt a heartbeat in your vagina?
Just got into a fight with a trashcan, today is obviously not going to be my day.
He's a fucking asshole. Who gives good head. And seriously I have never seen someone less committed to hair color
Do you know how hard it is to be while you're high with a chuck Norris poster in the bathroom?
Worse than that. I caught my roommate jerking off to a topless stripper in gta 5.
There is a pool of ranch salad dressing in my purse...I know thats always been something you've wanted to try..so don't even act like you didn't do this.
Why do all my exes just become Tom Hanks in Castaway?
That's a fantastic question. And an odd set of criteria to meet if wanting to date you.
Randomize
