ask if his dick looks like a sausage. alex's bro told me that's a sure sign. btw took pain pills. maybe shouldn't listen to me.
this party is like a fast-foward into the future when im 40 and married with children
Dibs on passing out in front of the toilet.
I hate cats. They're so curious, it's not their damn business.
my secret santa just gave me a pregency test
i realized our last day of finals is on cinco de mayo....it's god's way of saying drink ridiculous amounts of tequila and wear sombreros
I'm not holding out much hope. She met me in a nighclub when I was arguing with the cigarette machine
She was giving me that "well this is awkward since you drunkedly tried to hook up with me" look.
To tired for the bar. Came home and drank wine out of the bottle. Kind of don't want to know what that says about my life.
I'll give you $10 to get a dick pic with a gecko on it.
It's hard to judge what a reasonable amount of cereal looks like in the spaghetti pot. We're out of cap'n crunch and milk.
If you sleep with him again I'll have you spayed
He somehow obtained a megaphone and managed to scare away the out-of-control house party—the house party that HE started, by the way— by pretending to be the police.
Is it disrespectful or patriotic to pole dance on an american flag pole?
Thanks for going with me today. It’s been a long time since I bought bra and panties because of a guy
It’s called “shopping for lingerie” and it’s one of the many exciting and sexy things that follow a divorce, along with sexting, sleepovers, and orgasms
But, our next lesson is picking up a younger guys at the bar!
Randomize
