he was on top of me and all of a sudden stopped and starting picking his nose...i asked him if he was okay, he sort of looked confused, and he told me he had a booger that hurt. guess its a good thing i wasnt planning on dating this guy
I'm drinking margaritas out of a soup mug, of course I'm going to get wasted
My ex best friend's ex fuck buddy is visiting. There was no other option but day drinking.
Would it be weird if I told you I thought of you when I masturbated?
Looks like I'm more than just your Mexico mistake...
We almost forgot to tip the maids, so we left the rest of the gin, some tonic water and a lime. They earned it
My booty call just moved 2 min from my house
This has pregnancy written all over it
Code 10 We gotta leave. Now. I took a dump in the upstairs toilet and its clogged and overflowing, and believe me I don't want to have to explain myself to this frat on parents weekend.
Doing laundry. My jeans from last night smell like chicken wings and motor oil.
I just projectile vomited into my kitchen sink. Today need to be over already.
Yeah last night got weird fast. No lie, a kid pulled a butt-plug with a tail out of his ass.
Details are irrelevant. Come bail me out of jail.
How do I un-spend everything I bought last night? Seriously...was a penis shaped piñata and enough tequila to fill my bathtub really that necessary?
At least you can say you've literally dumped money down the drain
We did blind alcohol taste testing and she got 10 of 10. I'm in love.
You went into the bathroom, got in the tub with a pillow, yelled "this isn't as comfortable as it looks in the movies" then passed out
We were dancing and then he pointed to the club floor and there was money that I dropped everywhere. That was the nicest thing someone has ever done for me.
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