seriously this is one of those moments where im glad i dont really talk to or know the people i sleep with
Well said.
remind me to tell you what i found stuck to me this morning
i woke up in the lobby of Holiday Inn on a chair sitting up straight
High as balls & about to be tanning. Helloooo 15 minute vacay.
i keep forgetting that not all of my female friends are bisexual.
I am kinda proud of you, its like seeing my slutty baby take its first step
There's a skateboard on the patio and all the chips are gone. The note on the fridge says 'don't buy cheese'. Stop letting her go outside.
You drunk dialed me and told me to jump out of my second story window so I could give you head. I almost considered it.
You showed up to your dad's bday dinner late, dirty, and hungover then proceeded to yell at the bartender for trying to take advantage of you by putting extra bourbon in your drink... Highly doubt you win best daughter award.
When you can pee with one hand accurately while texting, you drink too much.
I miss you, too. It's hard to sleep without anything licking my head.
I just got dropped off by that cop that pulled you over. Best sex ever! Consider that $140 ticket my birthday present.
He corrected my spelling during sexting.
Had a girl with a moustache tattoo on her hand give me a handjob. That shit was classy as fuck. I felt like I should be wearing a monocle or something.
I'm hearing voices and sirens. I'm scared. I heard a manatee out there.
Randomize
