The walk of shame isn't so shameful when you do it in a stolen, autographed Favre jersey.
Waaait I'm alsleep in myt car somewhere
My Adderall prescription says to take my recommended dose and throw away any leftover pills. Why don't more prescriptions come with jokes like this?
hey as creepy as this sounds i still have your eyelashes on my desk
I hope, cuz I was gunna get "celebritory drunk" but now I have to get "I'm disappointed drunk"
RIGHT?!?! I'M ACTUALLY UPSET I DON'T GET TO MAKE THE 2.3 MILE TREK TO SUCK HIS COCK, yes I google earthed it.
I threw up in the darkest corner of the bar last night, then watched 2 girls freak out in disgust after walking through it. I then realised I puked on the dancefloor, took a picture and proceeded to send it to my mom.
Like a gentleman I waited until you were done vomming to start my Big Mac.
I almost got an A in organic chem but started hallucinating during the final so I got a C
I'm sorry I was just sleeping on the kitchen floor I'm too dead to think
Just don't have sex while watching Home Alone. It will ruin Christmas for you.
If you wake up with half a an eyebrow.... I'm pretty sure it was a good time.
Well, the night started out with you ALMOST falling out of a tree. Then we went back to the tree after about 9 shots and you DID fall out of the tree.
A good example of deductive reasoning: Knowing that when my girlfriend texts me "I promise not to smoke all your weed!" that she is...at that VERY moment...Smoking All Of My Weed.
But I think I successfully seduced her with my alias.
Randomize
