john hughes is dead. crushing any and all dreams of me ever being in an 80's john hughes film. bummer.
There's a group of australian girls next to me. can't take them seriously. think they are going to turn into mr g
there's unknown territories my dick was not made to discover
Just walked in and was handcuffed to a police woman. Fire fighter woman poured franzia down my throat. Aaaaand I just ate cookies off of Little Red Riding Hood's tits.
I tipped the hot bartender my entire wallet. Again.
I walked in and she was kneeling on the ground with no pants on, throwing up, and holding the puppy. It was one of those moments, where i was like damn i wish i had my camera.
He wasn't lying when he said he was immune to pepperspray. He pretended it burned for like 12 seconds and told the cops he was kidding he was alright. We'll be there soon.
Please acknowledge the sock on the door. If not it will be rammed up your ass.
Oh aight, and i was just going to be content with drinking, beating off and watching ninja turtles
Last night at McDonalds, you lied across the counter, pulled up your shirt and yelled "BODY SHOTS"...
By the way I got my period today. No NHL babies for me.
They won't let me buy alcohol in the airport until 9am. Super judgemental
I just took a service station dump so foul I had to buy gas out of guilt
FUCK IM ABOUT TO GET A DICK PIC IN THE LIBRARY
He tripped and fell all the way to the ground and then stood right back with out spilling a drop of his 3/4 full glass of rum and coke. It was like watching something from the matrix
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