I'm so glad you managed to take a picture of your foreskin before you broke my camera.
dude, showing up drunk to physics was the best idea ever. I just tripled my participation for the semester. I love st pattys day
i feel like my life is a cheap remake of American Pie
My vagina has become a graveyard for my brother's friendships...
Do you think a former stripper/heroin addict constitutes as a high risk sexual partner?
this may be my drink champagne alone in a bbaby pool in the dark night
I'll offer my penis as collateral. You can hold title to it till I pay you back.
He dared me to drink a bottle of olive oil in exchange for a 30 pack... So much for loosing the freshman fifteen this year.
He sent me a poorly photoshopped picture of his shaved dick wearing a Hot Dog on A Stick titled "Shorndog"...
Also I want everyone to be drunk at my funeral. Instead of wearing black just blackout. That way everyone can celebrate how fun I was
Can we go to the gas station to get cigarettes before we get drunk. It's hard enough to say Marlboro sober.
Do you remember the bathroom attendant when he put out his hand for a tip and you gave him a high five?
I think my body knows it's dying and is just shutting down
I just got back like 5 minutes ago, I have two champagne bottles that I carried with me on the train home and a Dunkin donuts coffee cup full of stolen butter, I've been in a windowless room for the last 6 hours, time does not exist
what is your life
Free champagne that's what
I'm going to need to invest in some knee pads if I keep having nights like tonight
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