i just posted a lake picture of you with a dead fish in your mouth. happy july 5th.
Made out with me girlfriend while she was peeing. all time high, or all time low?
Until he has ordered mozzarella sticks & beers at 2pm while wearing formal attire, then this is still my bar.
She passed out in my bed last night before anything happened. She felt really bad about that, so she gave me head when we woke up this morning.
I will never try to masturbate with americas funniest home videos playing in the background ever again
she left out the fact that she had a kid until she told me not to suck on her tits too hard or milk would come out.
for future reference: even when 4 loko is flat it still fucks you up. im near a tree. come find me.
so far we have 6 big wheels and 10 boxes of wine for the tour de franzia. team drunkslut is favored to win the yellow jersey.
All the alcohol I spilled on myself must have acted as a disinfectant or something. I haven't showered in three days and I still don't have a staph infection from sleeping on the lawn with you.
Don't matter if she's straight, I'll get her. I'm not called The Transformer for nothing
My pants zipper is stuck halfway down. I have to interview an intern later. This day is gonna be amazing,
I'm ne vrr drinkjng againnnnnnnn dforeal.
she just punched him in the balls in front of everyone and yelled "YOU SEE WHAT YOU MADE ME DO"
Also we're getting drunk and sledding down Caroline street. See you soon.
He took off all my clothes, fingered me, than said "would you be more comfortable if I was naked too?"
Randomize
