he urdandictionary'ed 'tease' on his phone and made me read through all the definitions. Am i really that bad?
You slept in the bed with him... with your top off.... and just made out with him....
we were boning in the bathroom when her boyfriend came upstairs. I wish i could remember what happened next more clearly, because it had to have been hilarious
Do you think you can get drunk by standing in a tank of vodka if it is seeping into your skin?
I'm laying outside on my patio attempting to get sun with a puke bucket next to me... This is dedication to the tan my friend
Hey, I didn't ask that stripper to put her unds in my mouth, it was just covered by the plus package fee I ordered.
He's so urbane and sleek; so aesthetically chiseled, having endless features to offer me whenever I desire.
Are you fucking a guy or a condo building?
im glad im back to a point in my life where i have enough sex to sometimes be offered and be like naw im good.
It's seriously like a finger. But it's a cock. I don't know what to do. I feel like I fuck him to be polite.
Well then she has to know whoever you were kissing was in overalls because that's not a detail you just leave out.
You're a goddess. Probably of destruction and dick jokes, or some shit, but man, lesser bitches wish they could be half as fab.
where are my pants?
in the oven.
I really need to stop turning to the BDSM dungeon masters of tinder whenever my heart hurts
You know you're high when you find yourself sitting on the floor with the refrigerator door open, talking to various foods. Hand gestures and all.
you told us the chicken was mocking you, then proceeded to explain that every time someone reads your mind you accidentally think of something sexual
When he busted out the ketchup I got the hell out of there. It got really creepy really fast.
Randomize
