I can already tell this is gonna be one of those parties where we sit across the room and text about people.
Its a three day weekend with Valentines day thrown in... Im obligated to get drunk
But why is there no point in liking him? Does he have herpes? Is he married? Is he gay? Did he get his penis chopped off in a freak accident? If the answer is no to all of the above, then he is fair game
Okay, just a casual question: how did i manage to get grass stains on the inside of my bra?
corona bottle fell out of my backpack and broke in the middle of my physics midterm. yay me.
I know you`re my best friend, but when i wake up with this bad of a hangover and no memories of last night, i dont want to see your tits ad my background.
You came down the stairs dressed as winnie the pooh and kicking cups off the table and out of people's hands
yeah well, its not like my astrogynecology class is teaching me what i need to know
im almost 90% sure there is no such thing as astrogynecology.
Really, who hasn't had sex on your bed?
ME.
I'm like 'WOMAN, YOU'RE 62, RESHEATH THOSE COUGAR CLAWS.'
Gay?
German.
Pity.
a guy messaged me on POF to ask if I knew of any places that were hiring. And was being completely deadass serious. I'm so done
Do you think it would be okay if i cleaned my cartilage piercing with the leftover vodka?
For a second I thought he was going to give me an intervention
You can't give interventions in a bar!
Snorted a dorito chip for 1$. Cross that off the bucket list.
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