my new favorite insult= "thundercunt"
i just threw up repeatedly on the entire entire walk down A1A to the pizza place....then on the way back slipped and fell in it
He made me cum so much, I almost let him spend the night. The operative word being "almost".
I think its only fitting my first purchase with my student loan is a glass pipe? I think ill name it 'Subsidized'
What's the protocol on showing a video of me sucking the life out of my ex in order to prove beyond a doubt that I give great head???
I hope the doctor doesnt lift up and my shirt and listen to my lungs. I dont want to explain why I have rug burns on my back.
He started crying and showing me pictures of his ex. she was really pretty. It's an honor to have shared a penis with her.
I will come over now to take full advantage of you in your vulnerable state.
Fine. I should warn you I just threw up in danas fish tank. Fish are dead. Livers dead. I smell and look like a dead animal. And not showering. So deal with it.
Awkward family moment #1: walked in on my 15 yr old nephew packing a bowl. Nephew says- "lets not ruin christmas and keep this our little secret"
Oh, and she's that dumb bitch that goes out in public in full make up and sweats with uggs. I hope she falls face first in a bowl of queso and drowns
He just sent me the contact information about getting the Zebra for graduation...
Somehow she is more off limits now than when she was his girlfriend
I have feelings that need drinking.
I will never look at a penis the same again. After that I will appreciate them so much more than I do. Makes me wanna kiss yours just for being pretty
Turns out the dorm toilet can't take a punch. Gonna be a long year without Mexican food.
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