The pirates hijacked 3 more ships today!!
we need a boat to join in
Obama is on top of it we'd get killed within mins, but we'd live in legend foreva
i think if you made a shrine it would be creepy
Get your damn GED now that you are harvesting a child in her belly
What is a GED?
you're in nursing school, now tell me what to do about a burned clit.
I asked my mom if I was the drunkest one in the room. With 8 days till I go back to school, I couldn't care less about being shitfaced at a baptism
She's never allowed to turn 21 again
Meet me at the corner of "what the fuck" and"how'd you get in my bed" in 10 minutes.
I'm babysitting my fucking roommate he took out the screen and is trying to throw dishware in our fucking pool after he repelled off our balcony
Heb just said, and I quote, "let's go to Who's On Third and fuck a fishbowl with our mouths. I am going to fuck this van." and then he humped a van.
Did you get an erection too during Paul Ryan's speech?
Did my married ex-boyfriend really tell me that he prays for me? Fucking Judas
Just took physics exam. I think this is one of those 'chuck it in the fuck-it bucket and become an art major' days
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO BE A DRUNK WHEN ALL MY ENABLERS ARE BUSY?!
WHY IS THERE A FUCKING DILDO IN PLACE OF MY GEAR SHIFTER IN MY CAR?
Why is there a waffle in the knife drawer?
The real question is why are there knives in the waffle drawer.
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