Walk of shame... his parents made me go to church with them first. in my club top sweat pants and slippers. i just slapped god in the face
It snowed today. The whore-inducing weather is official over.
..i think i can hear you losing your virginity
He's 11. You dont draw dicks on 11 year olds, i dont care if he ate your lasagna
I realize now that I left my pants on that table in the downstairs bathroom at you house on Tuesday....
I know you hold the fastest time for "zoo downhill wheelchair racing" but I don't see what that has to do with this.
Her idea of kinky involved a tazer
wtf?
I'm going back tonight
He's acting like I should like him more than vodka and Taco Bell, but I just don't ser that happening.
Having to grow a landing strip to cover the bruises from pole dancing. Thanks for the birthday present, but next time, maybe just a gift card?
Last week in my political science paper I quoted the Mighty Ducks. This week, I compared the Constitution to a weird pickle law in Connecticut (by law, it's not a pickle unless it bounces). So, yeah, clearly I'm ready to be back to being a college student.
Oh my god, it's like someone broke the off button in my butthole
Okay I'm officially a Texan now, I banged a dude with cowboy boots
I told my mom that I was just gonna go check the mail. It's been 19 hours, and I woke up in a hot tub covered in chocolate, with a text from her sayin "have fun sweetie"
I absolutely love waking up to see my phone search history is "xj" "qj" "cj" "uj" and "kj"
Dude, I danced with Abe Lincoln! How could last night have been any better???
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