would you object to me following you around all the time with a video camera and selling it to TV? Your life could make me millions.
Currently in a meeting. i am playing the not throw up game. god i hope i dont lose.
we were in your room and your mom was singing twinkle twinkle little star in the hallway. so you decided to scream "twinkle? TWINKLE! What Fucking little star?!"
I just learned that your liver regrows itself every 2 months. Best news I've heard all week.
Drunk on an escalator. I fell like 15 flights of stairs without actually moving more than 5 feet.
I want to frame my negative pregnancy test.
Would love to except that I crashed into a hearse in a funeral procession about an hour ago so I think that pretty much put an end to my day.
Yeah he's definitely gonna feel that one when he wakes up. I beat the shit out of him with that broom handle.
He just turned 21, it's very obvious the end of their relationship is near. Now we play the waiting game.
Please high five our old drug dealer for me please.
You told me you had two boobs that want to be naked for me. I'm just following up on your request.
So how exactly do I backtrack from motorboating and ass grabbing?
Letting Freddy Krueger eat me out = HAPPY HALLOWEEN TO ME!!!
Did I put a bunch of spaghetti on you and then eat it off?!?
That you did
Our breakfast options are microwave popcorn, wavy lays and fireball
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