Best look from Detroit today: running across the street with your buttcheeks on display carrying a 40 oz. Or maybe being crazy-pregnant and screaming and slamming a pay phone. Toss up.
college drinking is stealing all my money, thank god planned parenthood is somewhat free
the level of his annoyance + every insult he makes = the closer I am to telling him im fucking his ex
He said he forgot to take his shoes off, and that he was a bad boy because he was walking on the carpet. Then he sang. Then he shouted "I'M STILL FORGETTING."
Like. There is beer on the other side of that door and 6 yards in. If he's not back in 20 minutes to let me in, I am using this tree as a battering ram.
No she stopped screaming. Now she's eating popcorn. Off a plate. With a spoon.
I think my multiple attempts of taking his life, no matter how unintentional they were, has put a damper on our friendship
Just stared at a tree for a solid 5 minutes because I thought a German Shepard was perched on a limb.
I miss forts and drugs that made me believe in unicorns...
Now I don't feel like I'm sweating cheeseburger all the time.
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
Besides, I'm booked tomorrow. I'm planning on drinking heavily and crying in the bath.
Did you ever hear the story about the time I did blow in a bar bathroom with the #1 ranked golfer in the world?
She caught me by google maps... Lets just say it wasnt her car in front of the house.
Micheal let me call him captain america while we fucked. It was awesome
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