I woke up this morning in your mom's car... any ideas?
my entire walk over here no one looked in my eyes. Period Boobs are BAACKKK.
He gave me a 420 gift that consisted of a dime bag, a philly cheesestake, and a Pepsi that was still cold. If he ever wants a free bj, I got him.
You tried to poop in the sink last night.
I had to ask him for the scissors while I was in the shower. My hood piercing was stuck in my loofah.
Dude this breakup has officially hit rock bottom. sitting around watching women's NCAA basketball instead of going out
I CAME HOME WITH MY NIPPLES PEIRCED! WE WERE CAMPING. IN THE MOUNTIANS. I DONT EVEN REMEMBER IT AT ALL.
I would have dumped her already but between the 4 hr bjs and our shared love of enjoying thirsty Thursday naked while watching basketball I'd say its the best shot at love ill ever have
Less than a month to go... I do not understand how I was able to put up with a roommate who wears bright green Crocs for a year.
I was just tryna bring you beer girl. I should've known you'd be shirtless though
I repeat do not go to a jail visit drunk, those stools are easy to fall off.
dude, i told you to rally, so you sprinted upstairs, knocked some girl down, and without missing a beat said, "not now bitch, im in the fucking zone" and took off
Typically a man doesn't buy a woman a drink in hopes of her laughing at his penis, but no one said I was normal.
Turns out the guy I did all that coke with the other night is a cop
We're dating now
I mean, drunk me really liked him, maybe sober me will too. Who am I to deny fate?
Randomize
