tonight, alcohol would be proud of us
Of course it's dangerous. Why else would they hire us after we failed the drug test?
Come scavenge bits of tuna out of my chest hair
The only coherent words in the 6 texts i recieved were don't, cute, fucking, beer, and lions
She had her underwear around her neck. No one can tell me i'm a slut now.
I am convinced that after two dates and a few adult sleepovers that he still doesn't know my name.
My sugar daddy is a bigger asshole than i am. What's wrong here?
I feel like you're gonna be reading this at 6 AM in a ditch or under a bridge, but please remember...I offered to drive you home. And you said no.
The sad thing is that it's 6:45 and you're not far off.
Okay who let me pass out in a recliner cuddling a pitbull and a cardboard cutout of Orlando Bloom
I may have had several rum punches and then gone to the store and used European cucumbers to prove my baton twirling prowess.
I used an explanation of Walking Marriages in the Mosuo Culture to successfully negotiate an open relationship. That Anthropology degree is finally starting to pay off.
it was a hallmark card with butt plugs.
I’ll always remember that day you sent me that random nude on accident lmao changed my life
Sorry I fucked your cousin. Again. I just wanted him to take me on his boat.
I remember waking up on the bathroom floor and seeing my teeth behind the toilet
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