Reason #84 I'm on my way to becoming a crazy cat lady: I called the police last night because I heard a noise and the cats were acting funny like they were trying to tell me something. The 3rd time the dispatcher repeated "the cats are acting funny?" I yelled and told her to have an officer ask the cats what happened.
you went up to him and asked if you could have "friend sex." He looked like a 7 year old on christmas morning
our new exchange student wants to hear all about America's greatest politician, "Oprah." it's gonna be a long fucking day
sometimes you just have to pull up your panties, blow a kiss to the security camera and walk out of the alley like nothing happened.
I left him a voicemail saying i went through with the abortion and he texts me back one thing... the bbm "phew" face. really?
A guy with no shirt on and a eyepatch just got out of the car beside me. After he slammed his door into mine. This is our hometown.
everyone thought he was too sick to make it, but he showed up. Ten minutes in and he's doing vodka shots with nyquil chasers
trading diseases for a hangover? that's either a really good decision or a really, really bad one. we'll find out if he wakes up tomorrow
Is it too early to say this year has been a blur?
1. Are there men involved 2. Is there food involved 3. Do I have to put pants on 4. Do I have to leave this bed
Girl, that was the lost night of 2012 for me and I have buried that night deep deep away..
I HAVENT SEEN A PENIS IN 5 WEEKS I REFUSE TO REMAIN CALM
The fact that he quoted freebird as his breakup speech was a little more classy than expected
i was so unappreciative the bar was giving out sweatbands UNTIL I casually used it during sex.
I just volunteered myself to get tazed this should get interesting
On the brightside we know now that empty pringle cans are accepted at mcdonalds as cups.... Screw people who judged us, we saved a buck
Randomize
