After he proceded to violently molest my tits until 9 am i snuck out of his room only to meet his mother downstairs, who informed me she heard the giant sexfest going on in the room next to them.. this was before she called us both "chickenshits".. worst walk of shame ever.
I've decided that life's journeys are more fun when your moral compass hangs in front of you and swings with each step
Is it too weird if im a sexy tampon for halloween?
I want someone to please me without me having to show him steps 1 through 5
Keeping my bail papers as a souvenir from when I was arrested. Too weird?
Best. Four. Twenty. Ever.
walking on campus just saw the exact moment some kids life got ruined
he's on the phone and just starts going "FUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUCCCCCCCCKKKKK", then follows it with "Are you sure your pregnant?"... made my day
You kept saying thank you to the automatic toilet as it flushed your puke.
Frozen waffles and wine. Loneliness-party of one
All I can think about are the cheese it's on my desk at work this morning. Like are those apologetic cheese it's or does he seriously think he still has a shot..
I just had a flashback to us shaking up Gatorade mix and then inhaling it in your kitchen because it was funny. Now I can't stop laughing in work because that is the stupidest shit.
He climbed over 2 rows of the cab and told some random girl we were riding with that he would be in the back seat if she wanted to have sex
All my friends are going on vacations with their boyfriends while I’m over here in court trying to get a restraining order against my ex....
i keep smelling vagina and donuts, which pretty much sumarises this morning. happy birthday.
She is beauty she is grace
she’s masturbsting in front of an open window while drunk af 9am
i thought you had class
Randomize
