So I just did the walk of shame at dunkin... A lady told me me I was really dressed up and I told her I was going to a luncheon.
girl in front of me in lecture is looking up on ask.com about chlamydia.
I can't go out tonight. I feel like I'm starting to party as much as Farrah on Teen Mom.
She started crying while we were cooking shrimp because 'Under the Sea" came on Pandora
I thought we agreed, no more super glueing action figures to my dick
Sometimes I wonder how you ever made friends then I remember it's because you blew your way to semi-relevance
she gave me head while wearing a sombrero and told me it was her "welcome to south of the border" blowjob. i am never leaving mexico.
It took years to rebuild my brains forcefield against your charm and I feel like u seal team 6'd ur way in again and caught my common sense sleeping on post
Also, there's the possibility of falling 5 feet to your death to make it more exciting
In which case I will yell FIVE SECOND RULE and continue to slam you
Don't patronize me, I thought of that on peyote, so it was basically like a message from God.
We had sex on the beach. I was completely naked except for my sneakers. That's when you know
Well.. If you trust a test that only costs a dollar, I'm not pregnant
Dude, you stalking his LINKEDIN profile will NOT affect your chances with him. We aren't 40...
This time last year I was crying in a church parking lot without shoes or a bra, so the years can only go up from here
I'm six Popsicles away from an existential breakdown.
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