I can’t believe the potential orgy I left behind at Waffle House.
he designed a suit out of pillows to protect himself when he fell.
engineering majors are such efficient drunks.
I am three bowls, two beers, and a muscle relaxer into babysitting. What are you doing.
but you must be fair and judge his penis by normal penis standards and not let your vision be clouded by the rare gem of a penis you have recently encountered
Sooo just headbutted a stripper, meet you outside
Second night back. Go to house party and played ring of fire. Me plus five other people completely naked. College wins.. It's going to be a long semester
my mom just walked in on me in the shower doing the "ass hair shave" pose.
Dude, I'm pretty sure I slept with my TA's girlfriend
On a completely unrelated note I think I have carpal tunnel
Again, totally unrelated
The resort was totally empty, just June and I. Which of course lead to EXCESSIVE day drinking and outdoor fucking. FYI Dominicans LOVE to watch.
Knowing that porn stars want to fall in love is the weirdest thing I've found to be beautiful recently. I'm so lonely.
Just let me put on a bra and brush the alcohol out of my hair.
U NO SLUT. YOUR HEART IS JUST FREE.
It wasn't as awesome as they lead everyone to believe. No stripper. Ran out of booze. The chipmunk. He was real.
Why yes, I DID want cramps for Christmas, how did you know God?
Randomize
