Either these are mashed potatoes in my pants, or I was drunker than I thought.
I had a wet dream about my mom last night. words can't even begin to discribe how scarred I am. what. the. fuck.
Just spit on a sock to clean a spot on my glass table. Oddest combination of so lazy and motivated ever.
How long after st. Patrick's day is it ok to shit green before I should seek medicial attention?
i cant talk right now. we are trying to finish our homework so we can play with play-doh
uhh when the x-ray tec was moving your head you licked his hand and meowed.. i think he knew you weren't sober
Let's just say that the best way to get a girls attention is not to slap her on the ass from the window of a moving cab.
i wish i just like had a pee bag attached to me and i could just go whenever i want wherever i want
Watching him is like watching a star slowly implode
But think about it. I could put her gold medal around my penis
I am going to buy some m-80's and keep a bucket of them in the bathroom. That way I can just depth charge the toilet before each time I use it. Lets see how those snakes like cheap Chinese explosives
You started crawling towards a moving train. Maybe you should take it easy next time
I just had a guy ask me if his "jewelry downstairs" would set off the metal detector.
handcuff keys just fell out of my bra....wtf happened last night?
I couldn’t resist. He had a camouflage condom. You know I love a man in a uniform
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