I fear hooking up with people who have white pillowcases because my guyliner always smears on it and i either have to A. sneak out in the night or B. wash it and see them again
Just found a copy of intimate toy times in my mom's trash can...
ok 1 i realized people actually live in central wisconsin and 2 culvers could be a good place to pick up chicks today
onenightstand. Woke up and saw my nuva ring on the floor. apparently he thought it was a glow stick. pick me up please?
he didnt ask why there was a glowstick shoved up your vag?
Her gag reflex was as absent as a father figure must have been in her childhood
you were the other women for BOTH people in the relationship?
dude your girlfriend loves you alot..she yelled your name lastnight in bed
As payment for all the times you have babysat me while im drunk, im giving you the shorts i stole from the guy i stayed with on friday night. They're clean. Come get em.
If your wondering why there is a puddle on the floor is I may have decided to make a kiddie pool in your living room.
I found someone's tooth on the stairs when I was vacuuming, and my sister found a catheter in the men's bathroom... this cleaning job is dangerous
Shaving my legs with an ankle monitor on is surprisingly more difficult than the drunk driving that got me here
Exactly man. Who needs doctors when you have vodka and hot knives.
The list of people who didn't throw up last night is insanely smaller than the list of people who did
So it was a successful night I take it?
Is it ok to bone a former patient who is also a client? Since it is two negatives does that cancel and become a positive?
The high school classes are online, not my sex life. He still comes over for “teacher / parent conferences.” A couple more “conferences” and I’ll be able to rewrite the Sex Ed curriculum
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