Man, ugly runs in her family
yeah, big time
I had to move some guys boxers out of the dryer. This is the closest I'll be getting to dick this month.
Is it wierd that you're going to be my best man and you've fucked my wife?
I have vodka an food stamps. At some point today, that will undoubtedly turn into jello shots.
Hey. Hey you. Just wanted to let you know that I'm adorable. FUCKING ADORABLE. That is all. This update brought to you by our proud sponsor bud light.
God and karma are having a fucking field day with my body today.
this lady just pulled corn on the cob out of her purse
People like that make this world a better place.
While running home from the bar in high heels I multi- tasked and sexted with Brent. Jesus.
You do realize how pathetic it is when the woman who does your bikini waxes has seen your vagina more than I have
It's a whole movie about Joseph Gordon-Levitt watching porn and having sex... I NEED to own it..
In 2009 his now husband dressed in a sailor onesie and heels for pride so he needs to REMEMBER how to party
I'm pretty sure I just orgasmned my way out of paying for that weed
Tis the season to play Pocahontas! (AKA: Eat a bunch of acid and run around the yard barefoot, the first person to see the colors of the wind, wins!)
He was more upset that I got into his phone than about getting caught cheating.
u woke up and asked who took ur pants off then realized u did n almost cried over not gettin layed
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