We walked into the bar in The Flying V formation from The Mighty Ducks. We were ready.
he left his wallet here so lets treat ourselves to a lunch for the lack of penis we both had deal with
I HAVE A PRESENT FOR YOU AND ITS NOT MY VAGINA
He drew a bath for me. It was only cute until he started throwing in celery and calling me soup.
Just saw a midget on a motorcycle. Best sight for a hangover ever.
I don't know. I just thought I'd put my drinks in my bag and go on an adventure. Like a drunk Bilbo Baggins.
things I never thought I would say vol. 24 "Bagpipes just remind me that my relationship is over"
I totally almost forgot you fucked that guy. St. Patty's bar crawls always have a drawback.
Your vagina doesn't want to be violated with garnishes. I get it.
just woke up on my patio with a mouse eating cheetos off mys chest. youre all assholes.
We are such grown women, dealing with life's problems one shower beer and reckless makeout session at a time.
Of course i made out w him. He was painted green. You know of my secret longing for the Hulk.
i have nothing going on in my life. unless a toxic love triangle with netflix and jack daniels counts.
I'm getting paid over-time to sit on reddit and look at dicks and abs all day. I'm really happy right now.
Swear to god, somebody just drove by with mickey mouse in their passenger seat and he waved at me.
There's a lady rapping at me about making healthy food choices. She lives in a refrigerator. This is not okay with me
Randomize
