Ive given up on my natural charms. Im trying different accents till some girl wants to hook up with me.
Yeah, my mom walked in on us. Instead of yelling, she went and hid in the bathroom til we finished. It was pretty classy.
I think it's safe to say me, swords and vodka can never be aloud in the same room again.
We couldn't get our shit together to go to the bar, so we're getting drunk and facebook stalking all the girls who have gotten fat since high school. Any names you wanna throw out?
Ok. So I've woke up in a hospital. New thing to top that.... Waking up and realizing you've been locked inside the bar by urself at 430 am and all the doors are locked by key
I will never in my life forget you letting the cat lick your tongue
It's okay. I've dumbed down my notes over the semester because I knew I wouldn't be up to understanding things come finals.
Omg just opened my passenger side door and my outfit from last night is on the floorboard.
I'M SO LONELY THAT I TEXTED THE FRESHMAN
debating what would be more effort, turning on to my other side or trying to get myself off with my left hand. that kind of lazy day.
Only you can make me eat tacos in your car, while naked, on a dead end road in a ditch on a Thursday night.
And I made some girl take out the trash, load and unload the dishwasher, swifter, and clean the counters. So don't act like I don't do anything.
I just used Bacardi to dry out poison ivy.
What the fuck happened last night.... I woke up with a bowl half full of ravioli next to my head, reversed on my bed still fully clothed.....
at the hospital. Kevin drank straight from the river
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