He slapped my ass and hummed the jello theme song, which was followed by an overly loud "IT'S ALIVE!"
I filled this oven with as much Pizza as I could, and I've been eating out of it for three days.
Just ate the last piece. Refilling the oven.
There's holes in the drywall and the beer pong table is a broken door on two barstools. You know they like to party.
I cnant read. Cheetos goen. Help. Grt Cheetos.
Virginity is like the pottery barn-you break it, you bought it.
Thanks....I've always wanted my vagina compared to an overpriced coffee table
He woke up, yelled "RALLY!" and then puked in my glove compartment
Sorry, fell into some ass. Call you tomorrow.
fuck Derek. I choose weed. weed isn't angry and would never ask me to be someone I'm not.
I think I just did my first walk of shame. He sent me home with a watermelon from his farm. Southern one night stands.
Started crying to "that's the way it is" by celine. What the fuck uterus?!
Thank fucking Christ I was not wearing pants or eating chocolate cake last night.
I never imagine I'd say this, but can I ask Jeff for the butt plugs back even though it was a gift and we broke up?
Mom saw my dick pic over my gf's shoulder. She told her she really should've had me circumcised.
Do you know who these girls are? They're baking a cake, making chicken enchiladas, and bringing me beer everytime I finish one.
His butt is perfect. Like a twelve on a scale of one to ten. No idea about his personality or anything but that ass... I'm keeping him.
Randomize