Just facebooked the guy whose name you're yelling in there. So you're aware, his interests include "swearing at babies" and "Ice luge"
Sure, fine. Daughter just told me she is not a virgin anymore. I am gonna start drinking now
I found a wheel chair. there is now a high chance im going to be fired from this job
The night started going downhill when I set my foot on fire.
Come on. I'll make you hot pockets. Literally and sexually.
So update from last night: I made friends with a coke dealer, I tore the card scanner off the wall of my dorm, and I passed out on our bathroom counter with my head in the sink.
Well you know it's going to be an interesting night when the bathroom attendant is doing hail marrys
Day drinking is so dangerous way too many construction workers out there to flirt with
Do you miss the park or do you miss us having sex in public?
Couldn't finish, so she gave me "the tap," and I had to leave the mound early. Nothing worse than the long walk back after the manager comes out and asks for the ball.
I enjoy the level of friendship we have achieved until you ask me to determine what may or may not be gentile warts via iphone pic
How do you tell a woman that you are seeing that the scars on your back are from her awesome-in-bed little sister?
When did we go from stumbling drunk into an ER at 3am to dinner double dating?
He had a cruise ship of a dick and I need to set sail on that ocean again
The smoothie place is closed, but the liquor store is open and wine is kinda like a smoothie.
Randomize
