I see lights
Your drunk and in times square. Time to take the 2 train home.
you kept trying to make scrambled eggs with 3 hardboiled ones.
Ah, I knew it wouldn't be long before my boobs were introduced into the conversation.
Just seen a scantily clad pirate with 2 36 packs of natty ice on a bike riding with no hands. If she doesn't hit a speed bump she's golden and should be on the next Americas got talent.
Im doing shots of vodka in the bathroom covered in pillows.
Tornado warnings are fun!
I will always remember that night by waking up in that tablecloth the next morning
What are you wearing tonight?
The colors of the winddddddd
Went to an open-bar law school party and puked in front of Justice Scalia. My legal career is now complete -- I literally got judged by a U.S. Supreme Court Justice. Can't get any higher than that.
I wasn't an ass in college so much more like I showed my ass a lot especially during serious beerpong games. You know I don't fuck around when it comes to sports.
Legitimately sent a work email with "Hey, you kids, get off my lawn" as the subject line.
The amount of drugs I did this weekend make me concerned about my health but at the same time fascinated to see if I could do more
So I got my junk pierced since we've fucked. You should get in on this.
I can't believe we really went to walgreens to use their cork opener, bounced and drank a bottle of wine in a sketchy corner...
Passed out in someones front yard last night. Got woke u?p by a lady walking her dog at 6am. Rock bottom.
Got baked and laid and ate baked lays when I laid down while baking the brownies I I’m Superman
You’re still high, aren’t you?
Oh yeah
Randomize
