Today let's steal peoples pets out of their backyards and leave ransom notes
Freshman orientation day on campus. Dear diary, JACKPOT.
Either way you look at it, I'm a slut. But either way I look at it, I'm having a fucking blast.
I just remembered our "im drunk enough to look at your vagina" conversation. Is that offer still valid? I really think I need a second opinion
I would makeout with my roommate, but im not drunk enough and she doesnt like bacon fat
When the question of, do you know who's ass has been on the cake you are eating is said... Good or bad party?
Who the fuck was that guy he kept pulling his dick out walking up to people trying to hand it to people and saying go ahead open the door like it was a door knob
...if you're living vicariously thought me, that was a great blow job you just gave in the B&N parking lot.
Hangover or death. Death. I'll have a slice of death please.
Now some guy that's in my phone as " Alex lip ring hot" is texting me and I don't where life is taking me
Just busted the chick who slept with my boyfriend with alcohol. God I love being an RA.
Captain and coke. And it's not drinking alone cuz i have a dog
I always can't wait to see you but when there's also an opportunity to get naked it elevates to an entirely different level
I can't tell if my need for dick is more than my want to strangle him
Just found out my dad smokes weed too. Mom, grandma, all aunts and uncles, and now my dad too. It's like I'm genetically engineered to be a stoner.
Randomize
