This just in: I met a girl who does the phone sex phone lines, and shes' 5'4" 320. I'll never get a hardon again through a phone.
I bought the love spell lotion from victoria secret so it atleast smells like a girl is present while I'm masturbating
Does the blue bra belong to your sister or cousin?
He said he had a problem he needed to take care of before we got omelets and then showed me his erection.
The only reason I'd ever want a boyfriend is so that someone would spoon feed me applesauce when I'm so hungover I can't move
I just tripped out to the Angel of Music from Phantom of the Opera in my car. Wayyyy to high for shuffle right now.
So I hooked up with a guy with a mustache and woke up on a dragon futon underneath a dragon yin-tang tapestry... My life is spiraling in a weird way.
Your argument isn't valid... just because I test the waters doesn't make me gay. Makes me versatile. And who doesn't love that!
I don't know who's more excited for you to come home. Me or my vagina
Have you picked out a bathroom stall in which to fuck? Since you've got all this free time before her plane lands...
We had a quickie at work in the office. He walked out before me, and I fell asleep while waiting a few minutes to walk out. Yeah. He's got that change your life dick
I love FaceTime, every time you ring me the morning after its like I went home with your one night stand too.
Can you please bring the nipple sombrero up?
I I was gonna wake him up with a blow job but I don't know how he would feel about it.
I’m torn. She’s crazy - like legitimately “Wear your skin as a suit” crazy. But her blow jobs and dirty talk are Pornhub quality!
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