you were licking his little sister's watercolors and trying to paint with your tongue.
My mom is making me buy a single zucchini, I look like someone who can't afford a dildo
I got drunk and applied for two credit cards last night. About to find out if anyone in this world is still dumb enough to give me credit.
My dad just called from upstairs on the house phone to tell me to bring him a beer. You tell me how I am.
He doesn't have any game.. I mean, his one move is forwarding chicks pictures of his penis.
Just did the walk of shame in front of his dad while I was wearing his gym shorts and my heels from graduation last night. Keep it classy '12
Seriously you have a sixth sense. You woke up out of a nap to tell us all to check the clock and it was 4:18. You're like the spiderman of smoking weed.
That is an awkward looking cockshot, not gonna lie
We fucked on shrooms. It's like his dick was a beam of light and when I came I turned into a prism and my orgasms were made of rainbows.
The other day I was really high and I felt like my words were coming out of my mouth in flowers...I don't know.
We grabbed as many adult diapers as we could and made a run for it.
You literally chaperoned my booty call.
He offered to dress his dick up as Charlie Chaplin to cheer me up.
Keep him.
I frew up on some kids lovely sidealk chald drawings..
I spent half my night explaining that i'm in an open relationship to the guys that I liked, and the other half of the night explaining that I have a boyfriend to the guys that I didn't like.
Randomize
