So I said to her: one time i broke my dick and when they took off the cast i could cum across a baseball field
he said he didn't have a condom.
and you said?
that that's fine cause i was ready to be a mom. yeah - he magically had a condom he forgot about after that.
I'd do that. But we would need storm trooper helmets.
i walked in and you were spoon feeding your sister grape juice out of a tupperware.
The bloodstain in the garden looks like a sad face. Like I don't already know this is bad...
You blacked out and walked in on my neighbor breast feeding at 3am yelling "where is my best friend". I think we should go apologize.
There are very few times i will succumb to laying naked on my bathroom floor. But lastnight is a resonable enough cause.
Vegas is great, yelled at a guy 4 lanes over if he wanted a bj. ended up having sex in a vacant lot. I think he was homeless.
Biggg time. I found 2 empty packages of extenze in my car this am.... not sure what that was all about
I just added a bunch of arbitrary options to my ouija board. Ghosts can now tell me "cheddar," "the homosexual agenda," "the whole foods vegan aisle," or "viable offspring"
Tell me how you feel about belly buttons
I tried to have a quickie with him at the company happy hour. I think I need to quit my job.
Your drunk naked friend is roaming the living room. Started roaming my room. Please come retrieve him
Ugh. My life is a never ending cycle of bad decisions and taquitos.
I flashed my boobs, shit my pants, and kissed the wrong twin. I'm on a roll you don't want in on.
Randomize
