Waaait I'm alsleep in myt car somewhere
I bought beer tonight and got 3 coupons with my receipt. Paper towels, laundry detergent, and Advil. I wonder if Stop & Shop predicts the future or just does this with every beer purchase.
his penis is PERFECT
I want to put it in a shoebox and place cottonbls around it to protect it from any harm
or knit it little hat
Please don't tell me I was shouting "I'm bleeding from my vagina" in front of my ex-boyfriend and his new girlfriend.
I got laid and laid off at a conference in long beach all on the same day
Eh. They balance each other out
In honor of Sarah Palin's bday I suggest we watch Nailing Palin
i may or may not have triedto pee like a boy and then dipped cheese ino the olive oil
you said, 'he held out his hand, that means we don't have to pay' about the taxi driver, and then asked the doorman what happened to your pants...
I banged a guy named Robbie last night and in the middle of sex he begged me to scream santos. I'm pretty sure I just screwed a dude with multiple personalities.
apparently when she asked me how drunk I was on a scale of 1-10, I answered "bitch I'm fabulous" and tried to do a sassy hairflip. but I have short hair.
Election Day 2016 shall forever live in infamy as the day when I hobbled through my neighborhood, mascara melting down my face, wearing one slipper and a cast, blood and cum all over my skirt, carrying a box of wine, and no one even noticed.
Yeah last night got weird fast. No lie, a kid pulled a butt-plug with a tail out of his ass.
My fuck buddy and I talked about Amelia Bedilia for ten minutes before having sex. I think I'm in love.
You have to commit to sexting. You can't just quit right after I send you pictures of my asshole.
Seriously, come on.
I feel like there's a picture of my ass on the internet right now.
I hate you.
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
Randomize
