If it was for sex do you really think i would asking for a mass vote? I'm like fidel castro when it comes to sex. No public approval needed.
he actually proposed, and i threw up on him...i guess 5 glasses of wine was a bad idea.
I misunderstood what a threesome is. Please come pick me up.
I don't know how but I have our hotel room door handle in my purse... this can not be good
The trees feel like magic. Come fly to taco bell with me.
Should I take my grandma to a keg tomorrow or not? Serious question
Is it socially acceptable to be blind drunk at half five on a Monday afternoon?
Which pub are you in?
Ever the responsible adult, I just realized that today is the Obamacare deadline, but I'm too high to handle insurance now.
How do I tell my hairdresser I want a hair style I saw in a porn video?
Last year I got a dildo in the mail on my birthday. Today it was just a credit card bill. Sadface.
you just won the triple crown of sex! your prize is more sex.
My ex husband is now my side piece. #thisis30
I'm sorry I tried to spit drugs down your throat like a baby bird last night.
You are cut off. Your giant penis and crazy awesome sex is ruining my body...
The awkward moment when you're leaving the most attractive guy you've ever been with and you're trying not to shit on yourself. Fucking welcome to my life
Randomize
