I really think my calling is to star in a Live Links commercial
I love seeing you outside of a bar. It's like seeing a dog walk on its hind legs
Shaking her cervix like it's the hottest ticket around
If the blowjob was before the wedding, we're not technically related, right?
In case any of you were wondering, kyle is alive. He also intends to do the same thing tommorow night and the night after.Goodnight everyone
He pulled out, and the resulting cumstain on my sheets is in the shape of a fetus. The irony of this is both awesome and terrifying.
I woke up this morning with a wristband and I thought I went to the hospital last night I actually went ice skating instead
they told me if I wanted to live here I had to get an ass tattoo and then they all mooned me simultaneously. ass tattoos as far as the eye could see.
I apparantly wanted to name her baby garbage
I am his drunk Jesus. I will love him from afar because he's my little lamb
I still can't believe that I ate McDonald's off of my chest in his bed...
Cross faded me is not the classiest.
No not at all haha I wish there was a picture of that
I tried to open a bottle of wine with toenail clippers last night. So this morning was obviously rough.
Why did u text me "I want to get drunk and go to pizza hut tomorrow. don't let me forget." at 3am??
That text was pretty fucking self-explanatory, man.
Who's phone is in my pants and why did I wake up clutching a handle of vlad?
Just because you haven’t had your UTI yet doesn’t mean you have a right to talk like Yoda
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