And now we're talking about squeezing babies out of vaginas...
physics? naw man, teacher told us it was casual friday, so i decided to be super casual and not go.
for our anniversary he stepped it up a notch and bought cool whip rather than the store brand. i was impressed.
So many people have lost their virginity on my futon... I think it is only the right thing to bronze it and put it on display
I'm fighting fire with fire. When my parents interrogate me about what I was doing last night, I tell them the truth. Every disgusting, awkward detail. I'm 23 now and they need to get used to it.
Speaking of gay, some dude in a life vest just goes, we should pull our dicks out! To larry. Were leaving now. I saw penis
Found my other fake eyelash. In a condom wrapper...
Happy birthday, you long dick monster
I need a new best friend. Someone who drinks like a fish, hooks up enough to raise eyebrows, and isn't afraid to admit that masturbation is the second best way to spend time. Someone like me! Help me put up posters.
That moment during finals day when you either convince your teacher to let you out of the room or you shit you pants.
I woke up to both of you drawing on me in sharpie, unless a glorious threesome was had the night before that is not okay.
Who says it wasn't?
the last i saw he was butt naked on the top deck of the bus trying to conduct a drunken choir so i really have no idea
They were out of watermelon smirnoff, so we got you a fifth of 5 o'clock and an actual watermelon.
i like coming up with different names when i reference that night. 'the night i got kicked out of the bar', 'the night i escaped from the hospital', 'the night we had that threeway'...
Don’t drink the Bloody Mary - it’s vodka and salsa.
Randomize
