I just blew up the bathroom at work and now I feel like a new woman
As gay men are we obligated to learn the Single Ladies dance.
i just sold back the books i vomitted on
I think im drinking tonight later on...which is good cuz i walked pass the liquor aisle the other day and i swear i heard a kid call me a pussy
Im sweating champagne and woke up in nothing but a tuxedo jacket. What didnt go wrong last night?
I smuggled my gin and tonic out of the bar by shoving the glass in my pocket...mistakes were inevitable.
What shirt can I wear out that says 'I may have a broken arm, but it's not the one I give handjobs with'?
I still have his teeth marks on the base of my penis. You didnt miss much
So his mom walked in the kitchen while I was sucking him off and just casually suggested that "I'd need a glass of water after that"
The fact that you think I have a life is so flattering to me.
Apparently my Ambien addled brain last night actually did decide to go ahead and photoshop you into various animal and human molesting scenarios. That's a hell of a thing to wake up to.
He's sending me pics of Yellowstone scenery...the only thing I can think is "I would have sex next to that waterfall"
Of course i made out w him. He was painted green. You know of my secret longing for the Hulk.
We fucked to Bonnie Tyler in my car. He's the one.
Nothing says “I spent too much in Vegas” quite like eating a jar of pickles for dinner and planning on cream of celery soup for breakfast tomorrow.
Randomize
