Once you see the odd facial expressions and noises a guy makes while he is furiously beating off on top of you, it kind of puts things into perspective.
i can totally tell he's high. he's having a conversation with my dog.
Using Dr. Seuss quotes to ask me how badly I want your penis is not appropriate.
i dont think the girl sending me nudes is qualified to pass judgement on me
Tempting. But I already used the alcohol poisoning excuse at work this month. No way he would believe it a second time...
So what do you think the policy is on vomit in rental cars? do I have to clean that up or is that part of the service I'm paying for?
I'm already mentally preparing myself for the fact that I'll probably be sleeping next to a toilet.
The problem with never associating with your roommate is that you never know if they're dead in their room with the door closed or just gone for the weekend...I sprayed some febreeze just in case.
I can feel my liver begging me to stop.
I guess crabs is what I get for sleeping with my ex.
You christened everyone with a powdered doughnut and then tried to absorb vodka with your nipple.
He wants another date...I mean he's cute, but I just am not ready to give up my glamorous single-girl lifestyle here.
you mean the one where you drink out of the carton and don't wear pants?
Yeah, and pee with the door open. It's the little things.
He looks like an accountant with a secret kinky candy filled center.
I woke up the whole house screaming I need my shorts they found me in the kitchen with a bag of strawberries naked
I haven't been single on my birthday for 7 years. If you don't get me laid tonight, your best friend/wing woman status will be revoked.
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