I must have had a great time last night.. I woke up with coconut oil all over my glasses
we both passed out while playing beer pong, woke up in the morning and continued to play coffee pong to cure our hangovers
She’s leaving for college so I made her a gift basket with all the essentials. You know- Ramen, a 12 pack of PBR, some leftover Plan B pills and a laminated business card for a good lawyer. Damn I’m a good big sister.
so i woke up this morning covered in mail. none of it is mine.
It's like Facebook knows when I'm about to masturbate and tells me to reconnect with exes.
all you kept yelling was "i'm bored and i'm sober"
On the one hand, she would be the biggest mistake of my year. On the other hand, she's here and drunk.
I would say a second date is not looking likely, I acciedentally bit his penis. it's still bleeding 43 minutes later.
it'll be like the batcave but for manwhores
Did he make you just lay your head next to his cock and talk to it again?
Is there a special protocol when the stripper has a Boba Fett tattoo?
okay we need to get tested.
no YOU need to get tested. I'm just going along for the ride.
i dont know the whole gay terminator look is really hot on him
OK BUT WHO THE FUCK FORGTS A LIVE CHICKEN IN MY HOUSE
My dad is clearly baked off his ass. He almost sat on moms cat in front of her, zoned out while staring at it and said he wondered what it was thinking about. Now he's dragging everything from the livingroom into the garage. Moms not happy.
Randomize
