While sitting in bed naked eating ramen and watching the colbert report I realize why random sex happens.
He gave his mom his old phone, and I am SO paranoid
Did you send adult things?
Um. Yes would be the understatement of the year
I'm not high anymore, I decide when it's done.
Just because its your birthday does not mean u can play quarters by dropping quarters into cups to make me drink.
one of them held the wheel while the other one changed her pants. while driving. on the thruway. what
Walking through campus with a grocery bag full of pot brownies. I'm like the santa claus of 4/20
1. I'm excited for tonight 2. Do we dress up as pirates? 3. Happy Valentine's Day bae
He put his burrito in the bag with his dildo.
It's the kinda thing that makes you wanna buy a rainbow flag and fight republicans and kiss girls
Wait, but now I'm curious. In what position were y'all when the cops came? Were you guys butt ass naked in the car? 😂😂
I woke up this morning cradling my vibrator like it was a baby
As your friend, who loves and cares for you, I have to be honest. I am judging you so VERY hard right now. Sorry.
I AM DRUNK AND AGGRESSIVE ABOUT CURLING!
The US is in the finals, aren't they.
I think drunk me saved him in my phone as "beautiful man" to play a joke on sober me
I’m excited to finally meet my stalkee and his penis!
Randomize
