wasted. watching meteors, awesome idea i ever had, see 2 for every 1 with ma double vision
there's something wrong with the internet when a search for "barney the dinosaur violence" comes up with nothing
I want a picture of impoverished children wearing Oregon national champions shirts.
Yes, I feel sorry for the tribe that gets those. They won't be able to hide from the lions.
Well, I now know how many glasses of wine it takes for me to fuck my neighbor.
I have a huge gash on my chin. Did I get it from A) a mini siezure; B) an oral sex incident; C) Slamming it into a ledge or; D) all of the above?
Just saw someone tackle someone else to the ground for their coors light; he's not getting back up.
Yea, now that Irene is hitting us stores aren't selling any alcohol; beer is now a precious commodity.
Blood and glitter go together right?
No I can't cure herpes. I'm an EMT, not Jesus.
When people ask about my bruises, I'm just going to say it was a doorknob. Or possibly a group of doorknobs. Angry doorknobs.
She pulled vodka outta the dryer and told me to drink it
He thought my hair would soak it up. I HAD TO CUT IT OFF.
Masturbated before I came into work and now the finger scanner won't clock me in. Fuck Valentines Day.
I can't believe I forgot to wish you a happy 13 week-iversary of the time you raw-dogged a rando. Only two days late, so it still counts. And since your 14 weeks is coming up, you should know that at 14 weeks your baby can squint, frown, grimace, pee, and possibly suck his/her/their/zir thumb!
Teacher vividly described one of the times he did shrooms, sat down, sighed, and told everyone to go do drugs and let us out 15 minutes into class. I love community colleges
She's writing hockey erotica again.
Tell her to pick another team besides ours this time.
Randomize
