I admire a woman who can maintain dignity while puking after too much whiskey
Good face, no body. And apparently her vagina is related to chewbaca.
I have so many mobile devices now, I only use my laptop for porn.
Found a phone last night. Hope "daddy" gets picture messages
If i off myself, it'll be in a lobster costume in the hot tub with butter...
haha it staarrted out with just getting drunk then it turned into sports authority. So now im 4th or 5th in line and shit faced. Help me
HE COULDN'T FIND IT! WHAT KIND OF QUARTERBACK CAN'T FIND IT?!
we tried to steal a tractor last night. you should have come out.
I am coping with the snow storm with beer and shots of jack. If I were outside in shorts I might be able to pass as a Canadian.
I just had the most intense bikini wax of my life, i felt like i needed guardrails
they set my background as his mugshot to remind me "having a big penis won't be a valid excuse in a court room."
Well i would have gone to the bar but Satan decided to hold his rituals in my uterus.
Thanks for letting me cross "getting high at park with children" off my bucket list
You hit your head and proceeded to fall in the floor, curl up in my lap and make me rock you like a small infant. I was beginning to worry until you started to sing "Rock me momma like a wagon wheel".
Who was that dick in the suit telling us to stop drinking?
The priest.
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