FOR A FUCKING 40?! A FUCKING 40?! YOU GAVE THE CAT AWAY FOR BEER?!
WHERE ARE MY FUCKING EYEBROWS?!
don't worry about it. We passed around the "get jeff bail" can 10 min. After you left. We currently have around $400. May I say that people here at the dorms really love you.
He kept dropping hints about giving me crabs. Like he called my pubes a nest and said he "hoped there weren't any eggs in there."
yeah, i'm not. but i'm ready for free bjs. it's just hard to find women who will give me a beej while i'm sobbing uncontrollably
My parents called me out on catching us walking home from the bar in a swimming motion because "it was too windy to walk" home...
It felt like Party Santa dropped by and gave us two more 18-packs.
I'm sensing a Yuletide blow job in your future and by future I mean tomorrow
I am walking funny today. And it's sad because it's from the bad encounter with the sidewalk rather than a good encounter with a stripper
I have walked into stripper central, but I'm on the street at 1:00 in the afternoon
Naw man, if he's crazy enough to jerk off on a public bus he's too crazy for me to fuck with
Don't remember anything. Melissa just said I kept saying welcome to the bat cave
When he mumbled "I can't feel my legs," proceeded to stand, fall over, and just lay there I knew I'd given great head...
Let's be real, he was never going to be tall enough
Just went to Meijer. Purchased furnace filters, fishing line, red lipstick and pregnancy test. And if my purchase alone wasn't classy enough, I took the pregnancy test in the Meijer bathroom because Im on my way to the bar and wanted to know if that was a good idea or not. Cheers to no babies!
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