girl next to me is signing up for tough love. definitely getting laid.
The handjob she gave me was better than the best blowjob I've ever gotten.. Just imagine the possibilities.
He won't let me have sex with him, but feels bad if I won't let him get me off. It is the weirdest, best, most confusing pseudo relationship I've been in.
this is not the time for floating mt dew and shots of tequila.
on a scale of 1 to 'no sex' how busy are you this week?
I just puked in my courtyard and dripped toothpaste in my chest hair. You better be getting laid or this drunk is wasted.
It was like 10 tiny penises being shoved in my vagina.
Puking in the Ritz Carlton bathroom was actually kind of a nice experience
I know I say this every year but 2015 will be the year I finally have sex with David's sister
I vaguely remember losing my underwear to 2 chicks in a bathroom. That drunk.
I literally ate pizza on a toilet and made up reasons as to why you should make out with that boy. I am unstoppable.
I put on a tiger onsie to initiate sex... It worked
I guess I was running around slapping people in the face with a slice of turkey telling them that the only way to beat alcohol addiction is to go cold turkey.
Just looked at the TV in the bar for the weather report. Didn't want to walk home drunk during a tornado warning
All I heard was "sit on my face" "okay" and muffled screaming. I'm still disappointed.
Randomize
