I wanna blow your doors off so bad right now.
Doors?
Rock your world. Blow you out. Skeet skeet.
I just got a rly sharp new razor and was shaving down there...
and?
RIP clitoris
I intend to get homeless drunk
She keeps referring to it as an "us" Either she is seriously mistaken on what fuck buddies are or she learned another meaning of the word "us"
So we are lighting beer bottles on fire and breaking them in half to make glasses
That sounds dangerous
Don't worry......were wearing oven mits.
I tried calming him down but his eyes are rolling to the back of his head and he's yelling "COMA WEED!"
Just because he saw my boobs doesn't mean he knows me all of a sudden
Do Not. I repeat. DO NOT DRINK WHISKEY TO COPE. You will end up in jail. LEARN FROM THE PRO
It was a group decision to take your pants off. Took a solid 10 minutes. No more skinny jeans while drinking.
Quick! What do I wear on a 4 hour road trip with an older guy in the army I had pantomime sex with in a hotel a few months ago?
His idea of role playing was him wearing the halloween mitt romney mask while I gave him head
Can we just focus for a minute on the fact that I HAD MY FIRST LESBIAN ENCOUNTER.
Right. How rude of me to inform you that you're going to be an aunt.
Well. I guess talking about me stealing your wife may not be in the list of legit conversations
What would you do if your asshole suddenly made the sound of a sheep duck baa/quacking the words kill me
You are so incredibly one of a kind, it's astounding
I feel worse lying to the guy I hooked up with than I actually do for cheating on my bf
Randomize
