Life lesson #57: drinking whisky out of apples leads to threesomes.
State Street has never looked so beautiful than during my walk of shame.
the taste of these tagalongs is totally worth boning that creepy troop leader chick...
There is an old man sitting across from me. Phone rang and his ringtone is children giggling, I'm not safe here.
Moral of the story: don't get pregs or your chances in the beer league are over
Definitely just blazed with the housekeeper. That woman needs a raise
I've never seen a guy eye-fuck someone so hard in my entire life. I thought he would develop laser vision, bore holes into your body, and not even realize your innards would be spilling everywhere. That's how bad it was.
I am coping with the snow storm with beer and shots of jack. If I were outside in shorts I might be able to pass as a Canadian.
DC is easy, you will figure it out.
I'm drunk and blonde. You are wayyyy underestimating this.
my mom tried to talk to me about my drinking, i somehow turned it around on her, now shes going to AA and I'm going to the bar.
Well don't pass out under a Swedish flag and people won't make assumptions
Haha. I have resting bitch face. He has I want y'all to die face. It's a subtle difference
I AM NOT LOSING TO SOME FICTIONAL CROSSDRESSER
he was like tryna hang and chat and I was like dude there's an iguana in this room
I told him I lived in the apartment beside his brother and he said "oh, you're the girl that watches really loud porn!"
Randomize
