just to let you know I saw you texting some Kim chick, and facebook saying she's ugly... good job you're gay now
I bet a guy could be masturbating under the table now and people would just think he was clapping along.
Why the hell does jager make you get to the point of having to army crawl around cause you cant feel your legs and scream jaga bombs when puking??
my family just sang happy birthday to baby jesus. no ones even drunk yet
I returned the dress. When they asked for the reason for return I said, 'I don't deserve to wear white'.
I never once brought up his unibrow when he was insulting me. That's class.
He offered but I said no. I didn't think it'd be cool to accept cupcakes in the mens room of a gentlemans club.
just wrote a 6 page paper on my blackberry. including 3 sources. college is teaching me good things so far.
just lying in bed drinking beer with a straw waiting for motivation. why?
Welp. I just hopped out of his window to avoid meeting his parents... happy monday!
I can feel myself smiling like 10 minutes after I stop smiling, and that's just like... so awesome.
It's a piss down the stairs of the hotel kind of night
im not sure what exactly happened but i may need help faking my own death
CTFD. There’s plenty of dick in the sea! This is Vegas, we import dick. \nWorst case scenario we get a rental penis
This is going to be so stupid, but do you feel the calluses on my hands when I give you a handy?
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