I have 11 glasses of water and one beer on the table infront of me. Have to keep going to different bartends to get more. There are only two though and I think they've caught on
Jason and steven are boiling shrimp in the microwave again
Theres a handprint of sauce on my frig, one streaked across my face, a trail of it to my bedroom and sauce all in my bed and i have no idea what the fuck i ate.
next time we drink: battle shots.
battle shots or battle shits? if its the first, explain. if its the second I think I figured it out.
I'm concerned that this blind man on the bus has a boner right now
He did leave his bud tall boy and 2 choco tacos, so not a total loss.
All I vaguely remember from last night is getting up on that nice mahogany table and debating about squirrel's rights
Got done with class, now I'm buying MD 2020 with the ex. Sure feels like college.
At the funeral we'll say nice things, like "She was delightfully extreme, psychotically wonderful, and could probably drink all you fuckers under the table."
That's literally the perfect eulogy
Yeah I'm just gonna shower and drink a gallon of coffee and drunkenly write my research paper. It'll be fine
We climaxed at the same time during ain't no mountain high enough. Does it get more cheesy or domestic for a non relationship?
I spent three hours in the ER last night to figure out that my friend just had to take a shit
If I die here, tell my vagina and my cats that I'm sorry.
Does your drug dealer have a printer I can use??
Tonight I learned to never try to impress your ex by dancing on the stripper pole while drunk. That’s how you end up in the ER
Randomize
