tell her no need for introductions. and that you've read about her on the back of toilet doors.
That bitch is like a bad destiny's child song.
My breakfast consisted of a slimfast and an adderal. My fridge is like an insecurity buffet.
the doctor brought back painful memories by lecturing me about your teeth marks that are still on my dick.
There needs to be a newsfeed for phones... A list of all my drunken calls, texts, BBMs, new contacts, pictures sent AND received, all in chronological order.
Despite what happened tonight, Im still expecting Jesus birthday sex
she fucked me tho cuz it was her cat's birthday. As soon as we were done she just says "ahhh tequila tuesdays"
planned ethnic drinking holidays while bored at work thru next may. I don't suppose you have any scots or russian in you?
Nothing screams fatass like a pizza that doesn't fit in your car
although steph and I had 3 bottles of wine by that point and watched an opera that featured a black dildo so anything was possible really
He told me the hickey on the side if his neck was actually a "bruise" from hitting a bird on his motorcycle. I'm not sure what's more impressive, the fact people believed him due to the size of the mark or the fact you gave it to him.
I just sent my ex off to a party, threw a condom at him, and told him to make good choices.
Nice. Make him jerk off and tape it. Send it to his woman. I also love that you had another skype date
I got a gay guy to motorboat me. These tits could change the world, I'm telling you.
You are telling me my dick tastes like a taco supreme?
I'm saying this "taco supreme" tastes like your dick.
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